NO KIDDING!
"A Play in a single act"
by
Shishir Rattan
shishir84r@gmail.com
Cast of
Characters
NEHA :
College buddy of Manpreet; a young bride
who just got married; a working woman in her mid twenties contemplating a child
because she believes it's a rule of life and struggling with the "Log Kya
kahenge" way of thinking.
TOBEY :
Young boy of 10 years who comes in for
tuitions, very mischievous and always hooked to his phone. Son of Mrs. Tabassum
Mishra.
MANPREET :
A working woman in her late twenties.
Ambitious and believes in living by her own rules. Lives a 'Childfree' life.
Scene
Mrs. Neha Khan's
living room.
Time
The Present, evening
around 8pm
Act
Scene
SETTING :
We are the Khans'
living room; a rather humble room with the sofa set with a centre table and the
TV cum-book case taking up most of the space in the room.
AT RISE :
Neha and Manpreet
are seated at the large four seater sofa sipping tea.
Tobey is seated at a
smaller sofa seat to the right of the ladies. He is writing something on a book
while occasionally trying to steal a peek into his phone. The phone is hidden
from Mrs. Neha who has no knowledge of it being with Tobey.
(CURTAIN RISE)
NEHA
(casually picking up a
cup of tea and handing
it to Manpreet)
My word, Manpreet!
Its been so long since college!
Am so glad ya that you could come along for
tea.
MANPREET
(taking the cup form Neha's hand, smiling)
Oh trust me am glad too!
It's really hectic with moving into a new
apartment and all! Now I feel much better!
(lets out a sigh of satisfaction)
NEHA
(throws her head back
and laughs at how eagerly
Manpreet gulped down the tea)
My-my! You really needed a break huh!
Ha yar, but look at the happy coincidence, I
walk out and find my long lost college mate is right in front of me!
MANPREET
(laughs out loud
places back the empty
cup on the center table)
(contd)
Yeah! I know right!
(she glances over to Tobey
and looks a little suspicious
and moves her head to the left
but is interrupted by Neha)
NEHA
(holding her cup in one hand)
Say, am curious how come you guys moved in
around this time of the year? I mean its mid academic year na. Getting your kid
admission will be tough and the donation
(looks up and closes
her eyes moving her
head from side to side)
will be obscene to say the least!
(places her cup on the
table and glances at Tobey
and immediately back at Manpreet)
TOBEY
(Lets out a chuckle but quickly
becomes quite, looks up at
the ladies then looks on
at his either side
and then looks back down)
NEHA
(looking sternly at Tobey)
Tobey! Finish your homework varna maar
padegi!
MANPREET
(has a subtle suspicious look)
Isn't he Mrs. Tabassum Mishra's son?
NEHA
Yes, yes. Very naughty fellow but smart. Sir
pe ek do padte hi right time hojata hai ladka.
(placing her cup on the table)
Arrey, you didn't answer my question.
MANPREET
Oh..ooh yeah yeah sorry I just got
distracted.
We're a childfree couple.
(shurugs her shoulders and purses her lips)
as in we decided to not have kids so...our
decision to move was more dependent upon His ride to Coorg.
(leaning a little towards Neha as if to tell
her a secret)
sometime I think he loves his bike more than
me!
(leans back into the sofa laughing)
NEHA
(visibly shocked and her eyebrows up
and speaks in surprised, loud tone)
You mean you will not have kids at all???!!!
MANPREET
(her hand to her face with
the fore finger pointing up;
resting her face. Smiling
and with a comfortable but confident voice)
None at all!
TOBEY
(chuckles again but
quickly becomes quite)
NEHA
Tobeyyyyyyy!
TOBEY
(still looking down, says in a low voice)
Sorry akka
NEHA
(turns towards Manpreet,
has a sly smile with
an eyebrow upwards)
Nah, I know you will change your mind. They
all do, afterall its the rule of life yar.
(throws her head back and raises her hand as
if proclaiming)
How can a woman Not have a kid!
MANPREET
(adjusts her finger ring
and still in a comfortable
posture looking forward
takes in a deep breath)
Well, there are always exceptions to the rule
Neha and besides, I live life by my own terms. What's wrong with that?
By the way, what about you guys? Aren't you
both planning?
NEHA
(tucks her hair behind
her ear and crosses
her hands in a
contemplative expression)
We, oh we have to nahi toh Log kya kahenge!?
(stands up and picks up the cups)
You know we have already begun to save for
the kid's education and donations.
When we get free time in the office, we check
out reviews of different schools and even follow several facebook groups
dedicated towards discussions on parenting.
(smiling smugly)
I even agreed to provide tuitions to Tobey so
I can practice for my kid.
MANPREET
(visibly unimpressed, with a sarcastic smile)
Well am sure you're both having lots of fun
with that!
NEHA
(feeling interrupted by Manpreet's
interjection)
I know what you're thinking, too much of work
blah blah blah!
You won't know what true love is until you
have a baby of your own I tell you.
It completes you as a woman and not just
that; it's the most wonderful feeling to be a mother.
(keeps the cups back
on the table and holds Manpreet's hand)
I really pray that you both change your mind!
MANPREET
(amused at Neha's gesture; places her hand on
Nehas')
I'm sure that won't work out dear coz he got
snipped a while back!
NEHA
(sharply pulls out her hand to her face as if
horrified)
He got sterilised!?
MANPREET
(sitting comfortably)
Yeah it's a lot easier for guy you know.
Just a matter for a few minutes and he could
even ride a bike the next day!
We went on a ride to Ooty after his first
check up post the procedure and it was the best romp we'd had in years!
No fear of getting knocked up by mistake you
know!
(winks at Neha and giggles uncontrollably)
TOBEY
(looks up and laughs too)
NEHA
(Gives a threatening look to Tobey
and then turns to Manpreet)
Hummm, whats the point yar, I mean how long
will u guys keep roaming and 'Romping'.
You have to settle down someday na!
See, look at us. We're happy but we want to
become a complete family. That what life is all about now isn't it?
you have to study to get a good job then get married
and have wonderful kids then live for their future and then when you grow old;
have your kids and grandkids take care of you.
Arre yar socho ki log kya kahenge!??
MANPREET
(Smiling and still fiddling with her ring)
Tell me Neha, is this like the master plan
for and your husband?
Study, get married, have kids then work and
then work some more and then finally die.
Don't you guys want to do something different
or follow your passions or...you know just enjoy life?
Age is just a number you know and there's no
rule book to dictate how to live life.
NEHA
(Now sounding irritated but trying to sound
polite)
Manpreet yar soch who will take care of you
when you grow old!
MANPREET
(chuckles)
Who do you think will take care of you?
NEHA
(snaps back at Manpreet)
We will have our kids to take care of us,
what do you say to that!?
MANPREET
(Still calm and composed)
You really must not be raising kids as an
insurance policy, Neha. Look, what am saying that is they may or they may not;
but its not guaranteed and besides raise kids for their benefit not for you're
own selfish thought that "They will take care of me!"
Think about all the old age homes; kids these
days drop their parents there because they are too
(makes the quotations gesture)
'busy' to do it themselves!
NEHA
(breathing heavily)
Manpreet am not selfish; its you who are
selfish.
(crosses her arms and looks
away from Manpreet
and walks towards Tobey)
Tobey
(quickly moves his hand into his pocket while
continuing to write)
NEHA
(caressing Tobey's head)
See, such a nice kid.
How can you not want to cradle such
innocence!
MANPREET
(Rising from the sofa and places her hand on
Neha's shoulder)
Neha, I think you are very passionate about
all this child thing but don't get us wrong.
You see; we just do not have that drive to be
parents that's all.
(turns away and in a thoughtful expression
and tone of voice)
And besides, when I see the world we live in
today, compared to when we were kids; I sometimes feel scared for the kid's
sake.
Have you ever thought about all the
technology and access to information kids have these days!
Neha, I can bet that Tobey here knows more
about the 'anatomy' than we ever did when we were kids!
NEHA
(sounding disgusted and surprised)
WHAT!
TOBEY
(alarmed and looking distressed, tries to
hide something in his pocket)
MANPREET
(quickly comes over to Tobey's side and pulls
his ear)
C'mon little fellow; hand it over to Neha
aunty.
Let her also cradle your innocence.
TOBEY
(whimpering like a fucking dog!)
no akka i don't have anything with me akka,
please akaaaaaa
MANPREET
(pulling out an iPhone from Tobey's pocket
and holds it in front of Neha's face)
(sound of passionate love making fill the
auditorium)
(Neha visibly very shocked and speechless)
(lights hade and the sounds continue)
(curtains fall)
the end
